


The moment they never forgot.

by JustAnEvildoer



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel/Human Relationships, Emotionally Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt Dean Winchester, Light Angst, M/M, Memories, Short, Short One Shot, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-17 22:01:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28732365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustAnEvildoer/pseuds/JustAnEvildoer
Summary: A short one-shot based on s4e16.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 11





	The moment they never forgot.

**Author's Note:**

> A short, spontaneous one-shot I wrote in December after finishing season 4 (because since I found out about Castiel's confession I finally got back to watching this show). It's nothing very special, I just wanted to see, if I'd be comfortable with writing as Castiel already - but I think it turned out quite good anyway, so I'm publishing it here.

“Is it true? Did I break the first seal? Did I start all this?” Dean asked with a weak, shaking voice, although he already knew the answer.  
  
He knew it, yet he still asked him. He needed a confirmation. Even if it was the most terrible one, he wanted, he _needed_ to know the truth.  
  
However, still when he heard the truth… it broke him even more. He started all this. The Apocalypse… He was the one responsible for it. Yes, he was. Despite what Cass said, despite the fact he said the blame doesn’t fall on him, that the angels tried to help him, but failed… honestly, he didn’t believe him. He just couldn’t. The blame was on him, he knew it, he started all this, it was all because of him, how could he… Why did he break…?  
  
Why did he agree to Alastair's offer, why after 30 years, he started tearing all these souls apart, when his own father, the man he had always admired the most, the man he had always craved to be like, the man whom he promised himself he'd never fail lasted so much longer than him...?! And to all that he liked it… He enjoyed it… Taking out all his pain on all these souls… It was so liberatory to him… and at what cost…?  
  
“The righteous man who begins it…” Castiel looked at him. “is the only one who can finish it. You have to stop it.”  
  
Stop what? The Apocalypse? _He_? The one, because of whom it all has started? What was he even saying… It was all, because of him… 

Dean never felt as powerless as he did at this very moment…  
  
“Lucifer? The Apocalypse? What does that mean?” he was on the verge of tears, yet still tried his best to keep it together. “Hey…! Don’t you go disappearing on me, you son of a bitch, _what does that mean_ ?” he asked in as much of a firm voice as he currently could get out.  
  
“I don’t know.”  
  
“Bull!” Dean cried out with the rest of all the strength that was left in him at this moment.  
  
“I don’t,” the angel looked at him with the softest look he had ever shown, getting more and more worried about this human with every second. He could sense how guilty he felt, how much it all hurt him… “Dean, they don’t tell me much. I _know_ our faith rests with _you_ ,” he stated - because he was honestly sure of that. He knew their faith rested with him… and he knew Dean, this man, this strong man who had been through so much pain, yet still was lying here, next to him, was able to do it. To conquer it all. Castiel was completely sure of it. Even beside the prophecy itself… he already got to know him as much to believe in him, to trust him… to see how much of an amazing, sincerely good-hearted person he was.  
  
“Then you guys are screwed…” Dean’s voice was shaking more and more with his every, next word. “I can’t do it, Cas… It’s too big…” the blonde man swallowed his saliva, to keep himself from completely bursting to tears. “Alastair was right. I’m not a hero, I-I’m not strong enough,” he stuttered, feeling as each, single word was already too much for him at this point. Saying _anything_ at this point was giving him _too much_ pain - because of both, his physical and mental state…  
  
The angel looked at him, even more concerned. His heart broke with this man saying out loud such bad things about himself. Things that Castiel knew weren’t true. Yet this Winchester was saying them, he believed in them. And that hurt the angel the most…  
  
Dean turned away his face from Castiel, once again swallowing his saliva, so he wouldn’t cry. Yet at this point, he couldn’t help it anymore. A single tear ran down his cheek, despite his will.  
  
“I guess, I’m not the man either of our dads wanted me to be… Find someone else. It’s not me,” not long after he said that, another tear crossed his face.  
  
  


It was the first time, he ever straight up showed that vulnerable, powerless side of him… He didn’t think about it at that time… But he already trusted him at this point. He trusted Castiel. He knew he wouldn’t judge him, he knew he would listen, he knew there was no other creature he could say all this to. It was probably the first time he… truly thought of him as someone close to him… being thankful for the fact he was there for him, even though he could have disappeared from his sight a long time ago… And yet he stayed.  
  
Dean never forgot that...  
  
And neither did Cas. 

Because in this moment, he realized how much he cared about him. How much he felt Dean’s pain, how much he would do anything to just take all this pain away from him, to just carry it himself… He didn’t know that yet… But at this point… Dean has already meant a lot to him… Not as a subordinate, as a companion or a friend… He couldn’t name it back then… Not yet. But he realized it a few years later…  
  
That was the time when he already started falling for him. 


End file.
